Random Thoughts, Uncategorized

Just Because Voice Mail

W/we are polyamorous and while I am genuinely happy for Him when He is with another partner I also miss Him terribly. I am used to being able to text Him whenever I want to and I still can but I try not to when He is with someone else. I try to respect their time together.

When He first started seeing H I had a really hard time, for a lot of reasons, I’ll share more about this in another post. One of the things I asked for to help, when he wasn’t available to text or talk, was a couple of voice mails that I could listen to whenever I wanted. That way when I missed Him I could play the recording and hear His voice. It helped. On a day he was to head out-of-town with H he called and left me two messages. This one was the “Just because” message.

“Hello my lovely. This is your just because, midday, I just wanted you to talk to you, and let you know I’m thinking about you message. Whether you are having a good day, bad day, drop day, or whatever. I just wanted you to know that I adore you and I’m thinking about you and well, that you are always on my mind, and that you are lovely and I can’t believe that you are in my life, that you’re an amazing woman and my partner in crime (quiet chuckle) and that you know, my special person. So, chin up today and smile and know that, uh, you are loved. Yeah (softly), yeah (whispered). Anyway, talk to you later, beautiful.”

Assignments/Tasks, Uncategorized

Submissive Task

Ten ways I belong to Him

  1. You have control, the power dynamic.
  2. You have my heart and my passion.
  3. You have my obedience.
  4. By being what you need.
  5. You have my faith and trust.
  6. You hold my breath in your hands. Sometimes quite literally.
  7. You have a deeper access to my mind than anyone. Ever.
  8. You have control of my body.
  9. You have my mind, you are embedded in there. What I do throughout the day comes backto what You’d have me do or if You’d approve. You calm my mind with your presence and essence.
  10. You hold my leash.
Snippets, Uncategorized

Snippets

Most of O/our conversations do not happen via text anymore as W/we see each other in person on more days than we don’t. There will be a day, I suspect within a year, that W/we will move in together and texts will dwindle more. For now though, I hold onto every text He sends, I have for a couple of years now.

Before W/we were able to start this D/s M/s journey together I would go back an re-read that days conversation or on days that I hadn’t heard from Him, I’d just scroll back a bit further. I loved the conversations W/we had. I still do. There will be a day not too long down the road when I will get a new phone and those messages will disappear. I thought I’d save them here for prosperity and so I can re-read whenever I’d like to. 🙂 H is one example.

Context – I play little word games to perk me, or Him, up like “Know what I’m thinking about right now?” or “The good news is…..” This particular day is was “Know what I’m thinking.”

Me: Know what I’m thinking of right now? The way You smiled telling me about the girl who smiled at you at the store. I love that smile on you.

Me: Know what I’m thinking of right now? How sore and wonderful my bum feels. I keep clenching with the memory of You filling and stretching me. Such an incredible feeling. Just what I needed last night. Thank You for that, Master.

Him: Know what I’m thinking about? The way you snuggled up close most of the night, and sighed happily in your sleep whenever I kissed your forehead.

I think we both won on this particular day. 🙂

Assignments/Tasks, Uncategorized

Submissive Task

Sir is often assigning me tasks that make me think. I don’t always like them because they often require me to think and while I’d rather have fun tasks, I know not all tasks are fun. And as much as I don’t like them, I do appreciate them. I appreciate that He gives them to me. This was one such task.

What brings you joy about your service to Me and about O/our relationship?

There is joy in focusing on you and thinking about myself less.

There is joy in being able to openly trust you.

There is joy in the openness in myself to have the space to share m heart and care for you deeply.

There is joy in the sense of security that I am safe within a scene and more importantly outside of one.

There is joy in knowing that you accept me, and with that, all of my flaws and you *still* want to own me.

There is joy in the purpose and place I have with you.

There is joy in my service to you – doing things that make life easier for you.

There is joy in discovering and surrendering to you more and more each day.

There is joy in serving you because it allows you to be in control and true to how you are and that makes me feel happy, safe, and owned.

One of the things I love most about our relationship is that, because we strive for complete honesty and having transparency between us, I feel like each of us is never more our true self than when we are together, and really, even when we are apart. I feel like we free each other to be who the other one actually is at his or her core, while accepting the other, with all of our individual flaws and imperfections, openly discussing them and somehow having affection for them/each other, instead of trying to gloss over them. There are some times when I don’t realize just how much I trust you until I hear things come out of my mouth that I didn’t even know where true about myself… but are utterly true, and would be totally humiliating if you were anything less than accepting. Every thing I’ve shared with you that I’ve been terrified to reveal to anyone else, things that I’m sure will be something to drive you away, it doesn’t and you accept that part of me and it makes me feel closer to you.

Random Thoughts

Quiet Service

A couple of months ago I wrote something for Sir. We text and talk on the phone every day and see each other at least twice a week. Even on the days I see him sometimes I find that I still miss him when he isn’t here. On the nights we are together, I will wake up to make him breakfast before work and then go back to sleep. When I wake again I often find I miss him. I find this to be true more often when I am in my bed instead of his. His bed has his scent and his belongings, I feel a little bit closer.

A little while back he’d gone to bed early and as I sat missing him I sent him this:

“I miss you tonight, sir, even thought I got to see you today and talk to you tonight. I so badly want to be in quiet service, kneeling at your feet, and waiting for permission to lessen the weight you’ve been carrying today. I want you to empty yourself into me and then rest like there is no work tomorrow. Instead, I will obey and go to sleep and meet you in my dreams.”

As I realize as I post this how long ago it was. So much has evolved from when I sent this to him back in April. The fact that I still miss him when we aren’t together, even if I’ve texted, talked to, or even have seen him, that hasn’t changed one little bit. I miss him now, even though we were together last night and had a see you soon kiss this morning.

Uncategorized

Onward

As I was making the past posts private I was rereading some of them. It’s quite something how the sentiments and desires between sir and I have not changed since 2016. It just took us a heck of a time to get there.

Sir and I had tried, and started, the D/s dynamic back in late summer/early fall of 2016 when his (now) ex told him to find a secondary to fulfill what she couldn’t/wouldn’t do for him. That lasted a short time before she asked him to stop considering me. We’ve always been drawn and connected to each other and while that consideration stopped, having a couple of rules for me to abide by on my own stayed in place. October 2016 was the last time I’d had any official rule or control from sir. Some things for me haven’t changed in 16 months including my want to submit to him and that hearing from him always makes me feel more settled and I sleep better when I hear from him at night and get a good night.

Anyway, in one of the posts what jumped out at me was I’d written that I am a more emotional woman when I submit and that I’d figured out why this was the case.  When I submit I open myself up, I take bricks out of the wall, all the bits of me I hold close spill out. I can handle that when there is someone, my dominant, there to catch/support me. When he isn’t – I’m a mess. Now that I have submitted, for the most part back in early March, and more fully just this past Sunday, is that these thoughts have not changed.

Another post I’d shared a text conversation between he and I. I’d shared that he had been having a rough week and things were not at all going well and I’d said to tell me what he needed from me. He shared “I need a long hot shower, being washed and massaged. I need a good meal, a really good blow job, and some solid orgasms. I need to relax with some quiet music and snuggling. To go for a walk along the ocean and unwind without anyone around. I need some personal attention from someone who cares. That’s a bit of what I need. But what I have right now – is childcare, dog sitting, house cleaning, furniture restoration, and trying to defuse fights with an aggressive and distraught female. And 7 school assignments to catch up on. Never mind caring about my needs or wants, and forget about any emotional connection or intimacy of any sort.”

I found this post interesting as those things he listed, those are things I have been extra attentive to make sure they happen for him often. I’d long forgotten about this post but what he needed when stressed or having a bad week, those things stuck with me. I’m actually kind of proud of myself for subconsciously remembering.

I am so very glad that those days of trying but being unable to fulfill what the other needs are behind us. Onward to a life that fulfills us both as dominant and submissive.