Pictorial Monday

Pictorial Monday

Submissive Task

Ten ways I belong to Him

1. You have control, the power dynamic.
2. You have my heart and my passion.
3. You have my obedience.
4. By being what you need.
5. You have my faith and trust.
6. You hold my breath in your hands. Sometimes quite literally.
7. You have a deeper access to my mind than anyone. Ever.
8. You have control of my body.
9. You have my mind, you are embedded in there. What I do throughout the day comes backto what You’d have me do or if You’d approve. You calm my mind with your presence and essence.
10. You hold my leash.

Onward

As I was making the past posts private I was rereading some of them. It’s quite something how the sentiments and desires between sir and I have not changed since 2016. It just took us a heck of a time to get there.

Sir and I had tried, and started, the D/s dynamic back in late summer/early fall of 2016 when his (now) ex told him to find a secondary to fulfill what she couldn’t/wouldn’t do for him. That lasted a short time before she asked him to stop considering me. We’ve always been drawn and connected to each other and while that consideration stopped, having a couple of rules for me to abide by on my own stayed in place. October 2016 was the last time I’d had any official rule or control from sir. Some things for me haven’t changed in 16 months including my want to submit to him and that hearing from him always makes me feel more settled and I sleep better when I hear from him at night and get a good night.

Anyway, in one of the posts what jumped out at me was I’d written that I am a more emotional woman when I submit and that I’d figured out why this was the case.  When I submit I open myself up, I take bricks out of the wall, all the bits of me I hold close spill out. I can handle that when there is someone, my dominant, there to catch/support me. When he isn’t – I’m a mess. Now that I have submitted, for the most part back in early March, and more fully just this past Sunday, is that these thoughts have not changed.

Another post I’d shared a text conversation between he and I. I’d shared that he had been having a rough week and things were not at all going well and I’d said to tell me what he needed from me. He shared “I need a long hot shower, being washed and massaged. I need a good meal, a really good blow job, and some solid orgasms. I need to relax with some quiet music and snuggling. To go for a walk along the ocean and unwind without anyone around. I need some personal attention from someone who cares. That’s a bit of what I need. But what I have right now – is childcare, dog sitting, house cleaning, furniture restoration, and trying to defuse fights with an aggressive and distraught female. And 7 school assignments to catch up on. Never mind caring about my needs or wants, and forget about any emotional connection or intimacy of any sort.”

I found this post interesting as those things he listed, those are things I have been extra attentive to make sure they happen for him often. I’d long forgotten about this post but what he needed when stressed or having a bad week, those things stuck with me. I’m actually kind of proud of myself for subconsciously remembering.

I am so very glad that those days of trying but being unable to fulfill what the other needs are behind us. Onward to a life that fulfills us both as dominant and submissive.

Pictorial Monday

Every once in a while J will send me an image or meme that depicts the D/s lifestyle. I always love getting them as it gives me a peek into his dominant and primal mind and what he enjoys. Recently I sent him one and he expressed that he enjoyed seeing how my submissive mind saw the lifestyle. He said he wouldn’t mind if I sent them when I came on there so, of course, I have been sharing a lot recently. Some of the images I love so much I will repost on my Tumblr or just keep to look back on.

That got me to thinking here might be a good place for some of them. Just as a fun, visual, once a week post. As this is a WP site I can’t post anything too graphic but you are welcome to see what does visually catch my eye on Tumblr.

This…

This was something I saw on Twitter and it just really hit home.

Rules for me and by me

After reading over all the rules there are several that jump out as ones I feel I need, and want, in my life. Most of those though, aren’t ones that I can do on my own, such as…

• calling Sir, Sir
• thanking sir for orgasms
• asking permission for orgasms
• permission for basically anything
• the communication/conversation daily (good morning/night texts)
• the respect, no lying idea
• not holding myself back with sir

The other thing I have been thinking about is if I don’t follow a rule, or break it, what is the consequence, the punishment? One thought I had was that I come up with a couple of consequences and make it a poll on twitter and have anyone who follows choose. It’s a bit random but maybe could work? I’m not 100% sure it will. This whole idea may be utterly ridiculous.

Anyway… here are the rules/guidelines I’ve chosen for myself for now. I think I’m going to give it a month and see how it works out.

• Bedtime: Work nights – lights out by 10pm; 11pm all activity must stop (including checking social media and any self pleasure time). Phone will go into silent mode at 11pm. Weekends bedtime will be midnight unless I am out and not home. Caveats to work night bedtime will be for nights  my football team is playing, if I am out on a date, or have a meeting.
• Wear a plug for a minimum of 1 hour per night 4 times a week
• No texting while driving unless it is to one of the 5 people in my favorite contacts list  AND only then if I am alone in the car.
• Proper use of grammar in my texts, infractions will result in one spank for every error. If I am using voice to text I need to inform the person I am talking with that I am using it before an error or it doesn’t count. Consequence spanks (using a wooden spoon) will happen on Tuesday before bed.
• Once a week I will take a reflective/meditation time to reflect on my submission.
• Journal or blog my thoughts at least 3 times a week on either this blog or Sanguine Ruminations.
• Continue to ask for a nail polish color as I have been on Sundays. If the person who has been choosing is not available I will not wear any that week and ask again on the following Sunday.
• Make my bed every morning.
• Keep my language in check – I am a lady not a sailor (in public) and should act as such.

I think that’s it for now. They are fairly basic I think and some of them I do already. I also think I will do a weekly round-up of how things went.

There are two others that I’d like to have but not sure how they would work. I have previously enjoyed: 1) saying good morning/night to my dominant and 2) sending a photo of my clothing for the day. There was a sense of responsibility that I enjoyed and miss.

As there isn’t a specific someone I can do that with (at this time) I’m wondering about using Twitter or an online friend as my ‘say good morning/night’ to. And for the daily photo of my clothing, just post it with the weekly round-up. I don’t know though. Any thoughts?

I’d love to hear if there are any particular rules that you have that are especially helpful for you.

What it looks like for me

Last year sometime I was asked about my submission, asked to describe what I wanted and needed in a D/s relationship. The man who asked wanted to get a sense of what a dominant/submissive dynamic looked like for me. Here is what I sent him.

About rules

• I believe I need structure in my life. I love my independence but being independent and having structure are important to me. I think rules are a good tool for providing structure.
• I appreciate when I am engaged in discussion as rules are given. It helps me understand the rule, its purpose for me and for my dominant. I do also understand that he is the dominant and it is his say to make a rule especially if he feel it is in my best interest.
• I appreciate when asked if there are any rules that I would like, want, or feel I need also recognizing that it is up to my dominant.
• I appreciate when rules are custom to me, designed to give me unique structure including rules that motivate me and help me in areas I struggle.
• I am not so much a fan of sexual rules. I want to learn what my dominant needs, likes, and wants sexually. I want to fulfill his sexual kinks as best I can out of devotion and respect for my dominant.
• I thrive on pleasing my dominant. I like when I am guided to doing better. For example, even if it’s something I don’t like much but my dominant does, instead of saying “it feels so good” I like hearing why is feels good. Teach me how he likes it, what it does for him. When I know how much pleasure it brings him, that he is pleased when I do it for him, I will learn to love it and crave pleasing him in that way.

About punishment

• I prefer to have my behavior corrected rather than a punishment. I don’t like feeling like I have let down, failed, or disappointed my dominant – that in itself is a punishment. I do understand that punishment will sometimes be necessary. I want to feel safe coming to my dominant when/if I have done something disappointing or that goes against the rules and not have a fear of punishment. I know how this is handled is up to my dominant.
• I believe that corrective actions/punishments should not be “stock”. I believe that they should be catered to me and to the infraction.
• I appreciate that when a corrective action/punishment is going to be administered that my dominant explain to me why I am receiving the action and if pertinent what I can do differently going forward. I learn better when I know versus am left wondering.
• I appreciate consistency with corrections/punishments.
• I appreciate when corrections are fair. If my dominant has had a bad day I appreciate that corrective actions/punishments are delayed so that the corrections are not mixed with the emotions of the rest of the day. If my dominant needs to release the emotions of the day with/on me I support that choice – I am his.

Other things

• When I am submissive to someone I need communication. It is very important to me. Lack of communication feels very much like a punishment to me. It is, in fact, one of the worst feelings for me.
• I understand in the dominant/submissive relationship communication is imperative. If one or both of us have busy days or life will keep us from being in contact I believe in a short text/message saying so, that way my dominant won’t think of me as ignoring him or vice versa.
• I appreciate having periodic check ins to see how things are going. A sit down talk to discuss things that are working, concerns, etc.
• I want to be able to come to my dominant about anything and everything. I appreciate knowing if I am sharing too much or too little.

Rules I have had previously and that I enjoy having/miss

• Making my bed every morning. A small task but served as a reminder of the d/s commitment
• A morning hello/check in.
• Daily chores (even though the houses are different)
• Watching my language – present myself like a lady not a sailor when out of the “bedroom”
• General guidelines for clothing (sometimes more specific regarding wearing a color on a certain day or specific panties)
• Having my nail polish color chosen for me
• Write in a journal x times a week  – can be in a book (to be given up at any time for my dominant to read or online so my dominant can read when/if he chooses.
• No texting while driving.
• No lies to be told. Nor withholding information. The exception being that if something is told in confidence I do not have to share unless it is to help/protect someone else – safety first.
• Not being allowed to hold myself back from my dominant. When I am with him, when I am his I am all his.

I thought this was fitting to share given that I just went over the whole list. Though  see that there are a couple here that I should add in to that other list, ones I’d forgotten about.

Maybe He Can Help

B and I started texting each other daily and getting together when we could. I’d definitely made a new friend. Knowing we were both in the lifestyle we sometimes talked about things like spankings. One day I mentioned how stressed I was feeling and I could really go for a spanking. She shared how she’d recently received one from J and maybe he could help me out. I kinda laughed it off because even though he is poly, I did not get the feeling she was as much and I didn’t think she was really serious about offering his help. Jump to another time when we are together and she mentions it again, and then another time.

One day the three of us get together for dinner. I was so nervous and still couldn’t look him in the eye even though he was just a man sitting next to me. So annoying but at the same time comforting to be reassured that there really are true naturally dominant men out there. After dinner they walked me to my car and we gave our hugs goodnight. It was the first time my breathing and heartbeat shifted and I could feel this raw energy. I was a bit baffled and then just let it go.

A day or so after dinner together B mentions J helping with a spanking again and asked if it would be okay if he spanked me but not have sex. I was a little taken aback but sex wasn’t what I was needing anyway and I said of course. It was this fourth time that I finally thought, okay, she must mean it if she keeps mentioning it.

I was nervous to write and send it and I didn’t know if B had talked to J about it at all or if it was even something he would want to do. So I sent a soft message. “B said I might be able to ask you for a spanking – I may take that offer at some point if it’s something you are open to.”

That message was a year ago, within a few weeks, of this post. We started discussing and talking and eventually I gave him my number so we could text and not email message and we have been friends and confidants to one another since.

How We Met

The first time I met him (J) it was at a group social event I host at a local restaurant. As he and his girlfriend (B) had faces I’d not seen before I popped to their table to say hello and introduce myself as I had done with the other new faces. As I sat, my meal arrived so I stayed to chat.

B was sitting next to me, J was sitting across from me, and another fella on the other side of me. I mostly chatted with B that day. It turned out we were both from the same home state and knew two people in common. We were around the same age and I was hopeful that I had just made a new friend to do random things with.

One of the things I noticed was J’s blue eyes, so clear and piercing. I had the hardest time making eye contact with him which was not normal at all for me. Another thing I noticed was that every time I asked B a personal question she would look to J and he would nod. I recognized their dynamic right away. He was her dominant and she his submissive.

It hit me why I couldn’t look at him. He had that natural dominance. Something I very rarely see in the hundreds of “dominants” I have come across in my few years in this lifestyle. I was intimidated, something that doesn’t happen to me except on a rare occasion.

After the gathering I sent them both a message saying how it was lovely to meet them both. B and I made plans about a month later to get together and we’ve been friends since. As they live together, he and I became friends as well.